Time for my annual Emmy review. But it’s a little different this year. I didn’t see them. I was on a plane with the Seattle Mariners flying to Cleveland. But I’ve seen enough of these backslapfests that I have a pretty good idea of what took place. So I'm reviewing the Emmys anyway. See how many of these observations I got right.
Considering how many promos Fox ran for X-FACTOR, most people thought that Simon Cowell hosted the Emmys.
What’s the point of having SURVIVOR creator, Mark Burnett produce the Emmys if he’s not going to move the show to Palau?
Other hosts when Fox has had the show (and this is not a joke): Ryan Seacrest, Cybill Shepherd, Jane Pauley, and Dennis Miller (twice!).
I was thrilled that MODERN FAMILY or PARKS & RECREATION won for Best Comedy.
Producer Mark Burnett has said that the “In Memoriam” segment doesn’t have to be such a downer. Really??? To that end, the song under the clips was “Where Dem Girls At”.
Six winners told their kids to go to bed. Five thanked Jesus. One told Jesus to go to bed.
Wow! How about those upsets?!
What does it say about the “Best Actress in a Comedy” category when two of the nominees -- Laura Linney and Edie Falco – don’t even try to be funny?
Gray ribbons this year as Hollywood rallies to provide relief to the hurricane victims in the Hamptons whose guest homes and tennis courts sustained water damage.
Congratulations to Margo Martindale. If ever an Emmy was “Justified”.
For the tenth year in a row I didn’t see the winning Miniseries. And for the tenth year in a row I have no desire to see it even after it won.
Another nice Mark Burnett touch: Bryan Cranston wasn't eligible this year but he was awarded the Governor's Immunity Idol.
Kate Winslet and Martin Scorsese won Emmys for having already won Oscars. When you win an Academy Award they should just throw an Emmy in the swag bag.
Martin Scorsese thanked everyone in the industry by name and was still finished before the “walk off” music began.
After two years they finally dropped the “coming up in 25 minutes” scroll designed to retain viewers. It was replaced with a split-screen camera that just stayed on Sofia Vergara the entire night.
At least one Red Carpet interviewer asked Margo Martindale if she was coming back next year on JUSTIFIED and another said how much she loved Margo's dad, Wink. Still another was hoping the "real" Mildred Pierce would be there for the ceremony.
Gwyneth Paltrow won an Emmy for “Best Movie Star Who Agreed to be a Presenter”.
Her introduction included at least one cleansing joke.
The TV Academy still considers Louis C.K.’s brilliance “nomination-worthy only”.
Zooey Dechanel wore the kookiest dress of the night.
In a desperate attempt to attract younger viewers, Miley Cyrus was given the Lifetime Achievement Award.
Charlie Sheen made a surprise appearance that wasn't much of a surprise. In fact, if I remember correctly -- didn't the crawl last year at the bottom of the screen say at one time "1 year and 7 minutes until Charlie Sheen makes a surprise entrance"?
It’s not fair that producers of network shows like THE GOOD WIFE have to compete with cable shows like MAD MEN since THE GOOD WIFE has to churn out 22 episodes in one year while MAD MEN turns out 13 in two.
Don’t tell Hugh Laurie it’s an honor just to be nominated. Or Chuck Lorre.
But you can say it to Robot Chicken and Nathan Lane who were both lucky to be there at all.
Sofia Vergara's presenter schtick was accent jokes.
How can a show that claims to celebrate the excellence of television even mention JERSEY SHORE?
Jimmy Fallon’s musical numbers from last year’s Emmys were not topped.
At least one winning actor thanked the wrong network.
Betty White didn’t win but if I know her she said, “Who gives a shit? I’ll get one next year.”
Presenter Ian Somerhalder is best known for “one of those shows you know but can’t put your finger on”.
I was rooting for the KENNEDYS because it was rejected by several networks including The History Channel. Someone makes a home movie about a neighbor who looks sort of like Hitler and they buy it, but a miniseries on the Kennedys was not worthy of their precious airtime.
No one mentioned that the four major networks wanted out of the Emmy contract this year. Even that obscure network that carried the KENNEDYS had reservations.
Sorry that Julie Bowen didn’t win unless she did. In which case, it was a lock.
In an effort to save time, the Miniseries and Made For TV Movie award categories were combined this year. Next year plans are to merge the Best Art Direction Award with Writing For a Comedy.
Jimmy Kimmel should have won the Best Talk Show Emmy. No, he wasn’t nominated but hey, that’s what upsets are for!
My favorite category this year: “Outstanding Variety, Music, or Comedy Special”. The nominees were Lady Gaga, Carrie Fisher, Bette Midler, and Pee Wee Herman. And they wonder why the Winged Woman doesn’t have the same stature as Oscar.
